 Love Potion Number Nine

Did you find the perfect mate yet, PARTNER?
 I placed a singles ad for women who love fish.
 I found out Bella Goth was married.
 Love, like golf, is never perfect.
 None of them want to caddy!

Have you tried rubbing that antique lamp I gave you?
 So many townies are chasing me, I had to build a moat!
 I've been slapped more times than a mule's backside!
 No, but I did turn it into a nice vase.
 
What about the Vibromatic Love Bed, PARTNER?
 I just can't seem to get their needs high enough.
 My visitors all lock themselves in the bathroom.
 The movers dropped the bed in the moat.
 
Did you make a red potion with the chemistry set?
 Yes, PARTNER,and now my goldfish are in love!
 I keep getting the colors wrong, PARTNER.
 Instead of love, they turned invisible.